I really need to get my act together for my senior year. Im going to try my best to be an assiduous student. It's really hard to pay attention in classes when the lessons aren't exactly something that makes me want to be an ardent learner. It's been a cycle for me to not get things done the right way. I always tell myself "Oh yes! Im going to study so hard for this test!!", but then I deviate from doing what I should be doing. I get home and get distracted by Tumblr, Pinterest, and Youtube, start watching shows on TV, and when things couldn't get even more distracting, I start thinking about all the yummy food that's calling my name in my pantry. I then tell myself that food can wait, but end up convincing myself that if i don't eat, I will become emaciated. After I eat, I really try to study and do homework by thinking that if I don't do good on the test, the teacher will chastise the class about how we should have studied better. I also think about the possibility of the teacher  being in a spontaneous mood and giving us a pop quiz! I then see myself exulting after getting an A on my test, but I also think about how gnarled my stomach would feel if I were to get a terrible grade on my test! I wish teachers were nice enough to sometimes put inklings on their test to help out the student because I always seem to forget the information I studied no matter how limpid the question is on a test. I guess I just need to figure out a better way to study; Without food, internet, and cable.

I really want to live in a city like New York as soon as I am stable and able to stand on my own two feet. For college, my mom really wants me to go to Chicago because Chicago is comprised of colleges that have great performing art programs. It is explicit in the brochures what exactly each college offers for the arts. Chicago is definitely one of those places that offers stately opportunities for deft singers, dancers, artists, and actors. I have definitely considered Chicago because it is a great place and would really open doors for me. My sister also lives in Chicago so I would have someone to be with. My dad however, doesn't approve. I am my fathers only child so he is very protective of me and doesn't want me to leave fresh out of high school. He wants all of my decisions to be premeditated and really wants me to think about decisions before I make them. He understands that Chicago is a great city, but he thinks about the stinky and musty places where crime runs rampant in the streets daily. He sees the ominous behavior. I see where both of my parents are coming from. My mom wants me to go Chicago because she doesn't feel that Ohio will allow me to reach the pinnacle of success, whereas my dad wants to suppress the whole idea of  going to Chicago right away. At the end of the day, it really comes down to my decision.. Why can't my parents just agree on something?? I am an indecisive person and I hate choosing sides!

So this weekend, I thought a lot about my future. Not only did i think about my career, but also i thought about the little things that will happen in my future. I thought about my future houses and dorms hoping that I wont be unkempt and will keep them clean! I also thought about my acting and singing career wondering if     I would be successful enough to to become opulent. I thought about when I would get married and if we would augment the size of our family and have a lot of children. I wondered what career my husband would have. Would he be an ambidextrous basketball player, a musician, an actor, chef, or a lawyer. I hope whomever he may be, he is cheery, funny, and an awesome person to be around. I definitely don't want him to be a dour person. Well, I know for a fact that I wont ever date someone who is even close to dour or stolid. I need someone who is the opposite of dull. I thought that extravagant day when I have a wedding and whether I would deploy a big wedding or a small wedding. I thought about how I would face difficult times, hoping I would be one who shows fortitude rather than showing craven behavior. I also thought about whether I would be less tentative  with every day decisions in my life. I even thought about how my life would turn out as an old lady, hoping that I would never have to be bereft of my family and friends. I am very excited to see what my future will bring! As for now, I will try to live my life one day at a time!

Vocab #2

High school relationships...ugh where do i start!!!! Not all, but most of the relationships in High School are pointless and stupid. Girls see high school relationships on tv and think that it's what they need to do in high school too!! The urbane boys, a.k.a the players,  know exactly how to get any and every girl they want. It truly is a vicious cycle. First the girl (lets call her Dana) sees the guy (lets call him Kevin), finds him to be amazingly attractive, and instantly starts to muse on how her and Kevin could be a perfect couple.Kevin eventually flirts with Dana  and they are all of a sudden "talking". Dana goes around bragging about how her and Kevin our perfect for each other, hoping to perpetuate their relationship. Blinded by what she thinks might be "love", Dana doesn't realize that Kevin only wants one thing from Dana. Dana doesn't want Kevin to leave her for someone else so she shows craven behavior by letting  Kevin basically coerce her into doing what he wants her to do. Once Kevin gets what he wants, he drops Dana and moves on to the next girl. To him, the whole relationship with Dana is negligible and he wont want anything to do with her. He got what he wanted anyways right? Dana is still in "love" with him and will try so hard to get him back, but Kevin will only alienate the thought of him and Dana becoming a "thing" again. Whoever the next female is, she will automatically be an adversary to Dana. Eventually, Dana will realize that the whole relationship was a complete mistake and will want to delete any memory that had to do with her and Kevin. They will become strangers and wont speak again. She will also realize that the whole situation was just a big waste of tears and time. High school "love" always seems to cause unnecessary stress and drama that can simply be prevented by just avoiding the whole idea of "love". Besides, being in high school is only a sojourn and we will go our separate ways afterwards. I exhilarate any and every girl who will focus on education and what they want in life, verses worrying about falling in love with a guy. I've yet to have a boyfriend and as of now, I plan to keep it that way. Boys seem to be a distraction and definitely something that can wait until I am stable with my career and life! Sure, I may sound like a "nerd" or not too "hip" with what every one else is doing... but hey I'd rather be an outcast than be a crying mess over a boy!!

So this whole anonymous thing....Yea, I am totally averse to bullying and scaring people. Why cant we all just get along? What is so wrong with being amicable and benevolent towards each other?This whole situation is very scary to me because for someone to harm the school is a feasible act. It has been done before, and this puts our school in jeopardy. Police are now involved and are going to scrutinize every move this anonymous guy makes behind the computer screen. The anonymous person is being meticulous about revealing his identity. He even made a video on youtube that had a computer voice instead of his own.He says that what he plans to do to the school is impervious to the students and staff. I'm just upset that we have to go through this at all. im starting to be filled with nostalgia for the happy moments GLHS was filled with before this situation. I hope that GLHS will soon retrogress to a safe and happy school again and that this whole thing will be over.